It will never be the same. Not only me, but you too.

You were sad when i was being cold towards you,
Yes,
i do like him a lot,
one of the reasons why,
i know he likes me,
and only me.
You know what,
I had never felt loyalty from a person for so so long,
Most probably in our case,
it's something that i would never get,
from you.
I know all your wild dreams,
it's great to know and yes,
i do feel important to be the one,
maybe the only one who knows them,
or maybe not?
i never know,
you're too clever for me to know.
I'm not clever,
but yet,
I'm not stupid.
When we meet again,
when you first bring out sone stuff,
do you think i couldnt guess that something had happened during that 2 weeks?
i know some things had changed,
it will never be the same.
I was happy,
i felt relieved from all this emotional shit,
but i am now once again inside these emotional shit.
i want to be normal,
i want to feel happy,
I thought i could,
a long long time ago.
but after time,
i know the truth,
i would never be completely happy,
because something will forever be missing.
it was already missing even before we met,
now more is gone.
i want to tell you that i do care!
i do care that after that 2 weeks,
the feeling will nevrn be the same anymore.
To be honest,
even before the 2 weeks,
i prayed soooo hard,
wishing that things would not change,
but things still did.
but who am i to say anything?
I have no rights.
It hurts when i see the love emojis,
it even hurts me when i see the smile in your face while texting.
it didn't hurt anymore when i could let go.
but yor forced me to keep holding to it,
it hurts,
it's a feeling that will never ever be away,
unless i'm able to let it go,
no matter how hard you try,
it will never be the same anymore.
i want to love you,
but loving you is killing me,
literally,
killing me and eating me up,
so much.

i just want to be happy,
purely happy.